So What?
by A-Cheery-Melody
Summary: Maddie couldn't feel her touch. She never felt anything anymore. She was now in another dimension. It was her very own sanctuary yet it was also a realm of destruction, one where she was the destroyer. But who will her savior be and will he arrive in time
1. Prologue: I Can’t Take It Anymore!

**So What?**

Summary: What happens when Maddie becomes fed up? What will happen when she crosses over to the wrong side of the tracks?

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Suite Life or any of its characters.**

**A/N: Well I'm gonna give this story a shot. Some of you might be asking yourselves "didn't I read something just like this". The answer is yes but apparently, according to the guidelines interactive stories are not allowed. I'll just have to retake that speed reading course. I had to delete it and put me revised version up instead. So here it is just a regular normal story…**

Prologue: I Can't Take It Anymore!

She just got home. The house was empty and silent. It felt great but at the same time it scared her. Maddie Fitzpatrick tossed her bag and her keys onto the kitchen table and ran into her room. She locked the door. The day had been long and she was swamped, physically and emotionally.

Maddie slowly glanced around the room for something to calm her down. Nothing quite satisfied her but she settled for a book. She grabbed it and plopped down onto her bed. About ten minutes passed, as she managed to flip through a few pages but nothing she read would stick. She turned back a few pages to reread it again. She couldn't concentrate.

Maddie threw the book and watched hit the wall. She put her fingers on her temples as if to prevent the little sanity she had left from escaping her. Tears began to run down her cheeks but Maddie refused to let herself cry and she immediately stopped. She got up off her bed, blasted her stereo full volume and went back to lie down. She let the music pump into her. Instead of relieving her of her migraine, the music only provoked it even more, but she didn't let it bother her.

Maddie could faintly hear the footsteps of the downstairs neighbors. Perhaps they were unhappy with all the racket she was causing. What if they would come upstairs to see what it was all about? She shook the thoughts from her mind. She let the music drain her of her thoughts, her fears and her worries. She almost felt… tranquil.

But at that very moment she heard a door slam and a bunch of yelling. _Oh great they're home_, she thought to herself. She lowered the music to a whisper, so she could hear what ridiculous fight was going on this time.

"All I asked, was for you to come to one family event with me, is that such a problem?" a woman screeched.

"Yeah, today was the biggest football game of the season!" a man yelled back at her.

"Well you coulda tapped it you good for nothing slacker!" The yelling continued.

"Well that doesn't give you the right to turn your entire family against me!"

"The only reason they hate you, is because they know the kind of hell hole we live in!" the woman persisted.

"Well I wonder where they got that tall tale from?" the man did not give up the fight either.

The sound of her parents fighting drilled a hole into Maddie's head. She began to pace around in her room struggling to even breathe. She didn't know what to do. Finally she stepped out of her room and scurried to the kitchen, her eyes made sure to avoid her family members. She snatched her things off the table.

"I can't take it anymore!" she hollered as she ran out of the apartment, closing the door behind her.

The sound of the slammed door echoed in the soundless hallway. Tears began to drip down Maddie's face once again but this time she couldn't control it. She dashed down the staircase and out of the building. She embraced the warm air a spring night like tonight offered her.

But she was not going to talk about this with anyone! And by no means was she going to return home any time soon.

**A/N: I know it was short but you must remember it was only a prologue. And hopefully it will get better. If any of you have any suggestions feel free to message me through my profile or whatever. Ok so all that's left to do is review!**


	2. And Let the Lies Begin

**Disclaimer: Nope don't own it.**

And Let the Lies Begin…

Her back pressed against the cold glass door of the building where she lived. She had just escaped from the living hell known to her as "home". But she didn't get very far. Maddie stared at the few stars she could spot in the sky and watched them twinkle. She wondered how much time she had to just stand there and think before her parents would come to fetch her. She knew straight away not to worry; her parents were probably fighting about whose fault it was that she ran out. They wouldn't come downstairs to see if she was still here for another twenty minutes.

"What am I supposed to do now?" she whispered to herself still in tears. An idea came to her about where she could go but she immediately disregarded it and began to search for other options but the problem was… that there weren't any other options. She sighed as she wiped the tears from her eyes and recognized the fact that the only place she could go was The Tipton Hotel, the place she had just returned from merely a few hours ago.

Maddie had just stepped out of the revolving doors and arrived at The Tipton. The fluorescent light in the lobby nearly blinded her for she had been engulfed in the night's darkness for so long. She hadn't even spent a full minute at The Tipton and she already spotted Moseby. He was standing behind the front desk looking at a book of reservations. It was almost eleven and the lobby was full of nothing but murmurs. She walked towards him feeling very nervous. Who knows what he'd be thinking once he saw her. She stood across from him at the front desk but she refused to ring the bell for service. Ringing the bell was kind of like acknowledging the fact that she was here… that she existed.

But it didn't take a bell for Moseby to comprehend that someone was standing there. It's like he felt the presence. Maddie only stood a few seconds unnoticed before Moseby picked up his head.

"Maddie, what in the world are you doing here at this late hour?" he asked her in a concerned tone.

Maddie didn't buy it. Maddie stopped buying _concerned_ a long time ago.

"I… I need a room," she replied vulnerably.

"Maddie you know very well that I cannot just give staff members free rooms when ever they possibly desire… no matter how appreciated they are."

_Ha! Appreciated, yeah right!_ She thought to herself.

"Mr. Moseby, please, I have a hundred and twenty dollars and you can take the rest of the money out my pay. I need a room for a few days. Any room."

With one look at her he caved in. "Alright," he said accepting the money from her. She was so relieved that she had cashed in her pay earlier that day or else now she'd be screwed.

Moseby knew how many rules he was breaking. For starters, he was accepting cash and allowing a minor to reserve a room on her own. Something told him not to do it but he couldn't help it. He looked at Maddie and saw how much she was in need of his help.

"Oh and Mr. Moseby? Please, please, please don't tell anyone I'm staying here," her chestnut eyes pleaded even more than she did.

"Mum's the word," he said

"Thank you so much! I'll be at the counter at opening time to start my shift," she replied gratefully.

"I thought there was school tomorrow, after all it is Monday," he asked her suspiciously.

"There is, normally, but uh… the nuns," she lied, "they umm… have this yearly two-day trip to this huge church in New York City. It's a huge deal. They cancel school."

Mr. Moseby just stared at her. He wasn't sure what to believe but he knew by her condition that she was in no mood for any more 3rd degree so he handed her a cardkey and she walked towards the elevator.

Maddie got into the elevator and pressed the number 2 button. She stared at the gold colored cardkey. In beautiful script letters it read: _The Tipton Hotel_. She made her way into the hallway on the second floor. She had seen many of The Tipton's beautiful suites but in all the time she has worked there she had never even bothered to check out any of the ordinary rooms. There she was… room 203, home sweet home. She slid her cardkey through and opened the door.

It was cold. That's the first thing she noticed. It had that artificial, air-conditioned, cool feel to it. The room was as ordinary as one would expect a hotel room to be, a bathroom, one full-sized bed, a desk, a lamp and a mini refrigerator. Nothing to special but it suited Maddie. _She_ didn't feel too special either. There was nothing left to keep her up so she climbed into bed in her jeans and whatnot. Despite her discomfort, she fell asleep almost at once.

**A/N: Oh how I would love to end the chapter here but people despise me for short chapters so I won't deprive you of your need and I'll keep going.**

The sun shined in through the curtains of Maddie's room the next morning and woke her up. It was a bright and beautiful day but Maddie couldn't see it. Maddie's world was painted a series of gray. She couldn't shake the feeling of fatigue and despair. She laid awake in bed another half an hour.

Meanwhile London was dressed in her uniform and she trotted through the lobby on her way to school. Moseby stopped her on her way out.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"To school. It's Monday. Gosh and people say I'm slow," she was about to continue walking but Moseby stopped her once again.

"There's school today?" he asked.

"Of course there is silly, it's not like those nuns magically disappeared to New York or something," she said sarcastically.

"Oh of course not. Have a great day," he said as she walked out the door.

Less than an hour later Maddie walked down to open the candy counter. She was dressed in her uniform but she didn't clean up as well as she usually did. Her shirt was all wrinkled and her mini skirt wasn't nicely pleated and she was not wearing her tie. Correction… she refused to wear her tie. It was her dad's tie and it reminded her of home, the home she hated so much.

Mr. Moseby saw her come down. He noticed that it was after opening time at The Tipton but he didn't go confront her on her tardiness. That wasn't the only thing she hasn't been truthful about.

She stood by that counter all day. She took her one hour break at noon but only because she rummaged through her bag and found thirty-eight bucks which she used to grab lunch, buy pajamas, a few cheap T-shirts and a pair of sweatpants. Exhaustion piled up on her but she was too dazed out to notice.

At three-thirty Zack and Cody raced into The Tipton and straight to the candy counter. With the remainder of their lunch money they had just enough to buy two candy bars.

"Hey there sugar!" Zack said to her. She didn't reply.

"Two chewy-gooey bars," requested Cody. Without a word she gave them their candy and accepted the money.

"Maddie is something wrong?" asked Zack.

"No, everything's fine. Perfectly, perfectly fine," she responded blandly as if she was trying to convince herself in the process.

**A/N: Well chapter one is finished. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Reviews are encouraged and highly appreciated, so please… make my day and review.  **


	3. Failing to be Maddie

**Disclaimer: I don't own Suite Life or its characters.**

Failing to be Maddie

The rest of the day slipped right through Maddie's fingers and Tuesday was no different. She stood behind the counter and did her job, the twins bought candy bars, Zack flirted, London bragged. London seemed to notice Maddie was different but she didn't want to make a big issue out of it. She decided to see how Maddie acted and school and face up to her later.

She hadn't eaten much in those past two days and fatigue weakened her body to a pulp. She woke up Wednesday morning, still seeing the world to be gray. She decided that she had to go to school; she could not mislead Moseby much longer for he was growing suspicious.

Maddie threw on her worn out school uniform and headed straight for class. While walking she saw London several paces ahead of her but Maddie didn't bother to catch up to her, she rather be alone, she was used to it by now.

Class felt different to her. Sister Genevieve had told the class there was going to be a test that day but Maddie was not present to hear it, which made her completely unprepared. At first the feeling of being unprepared scared her; it was an impulse she was used to, for she was almost always prepared. Maddie convinced herself that it didn't matter.

The class sat in silence as they took their exams. It felt awkward to Maddie. She glanced at the people around her. People who used to be her friends. There was Mary Margaret, Corrie, even London. Right now they didn't feel like anything to her. They just felt like figments, illusions. Maddie couldn't stand it; she was in a room full of people and still she felt… all alone.

The last bell rang and everybody handed in their papers, with the exception of Maddie. She still sat at her desk, her paper was a few words short of empty and she had no will to get up. In spite of that she rose from her chair, handed in her blank exam and prepared herself to leave the room. Sister Genevieve stopped her.

"Maddie, what is going on with you lately?" the nun asked her, "you're missing class, you neglect to hand in homework, you're failing tests."

"I'm sorry," Maddie lied. She didn't care, she didn't give a damn. School was the last thing on her mind. "May I please be excused?"

"You're failing the term Madeline. I am forced to give you detention right now but if you keep this up you will be required to attend summer school."

Maddie sat back down in her chair, nothing made her feel more trapped. She felt brittle and worthless. She was motionless as she stared out the window. Maddie looked over at the clock, it was almost three. She was half an hour late for her shift at The Tipton. She pushed every worry she had to the back of her head. After almost an hour she had been excused.

Maddie wandered out of the building where she saw three kids leaning on the wall of the school. There were two boys wearing baggy jeans and long t-shirts. They would have looked kind of cute if they didn't look so troubled. A girl stood there with them. She wasn't "their girl", she was just part of the posse. She wore a short jeans miniskirt which looked like was torn from something longer, a belly shirt and over it a fishnet 'shirt' that covered the rest of her upper body. All three of them were smoking. The girl looked at her curiously and gave her a friendly smile.

Maddie approached her.

"What?" she asked the girl timidly.

"You know, I used to be just like you," she told Maddie, "I used to go to this here school, we all did. I used to be so perfect, straight A's, perfect record, you name it. Then one day things just… turned upside down." She stopped her story right there, "This is Todd, that's Chad and I'm Mindy."

"Maddie," she introduced herself. Maddie stuck out her hand for a handshake but they just looked at her funny and she immediately retracted it. For once in such a long time, she felt wanted, like she belonged.

"Cigarette?" Mindy offered.

"Sure," Maddie accepted. What did she have to lose? What was there to be afraid of? Destroying her already screwed up life. Ha! Like that was even possible.

Maddie began to smoke the cigarette. It was her first. Awkwardly it seemed to relieve her of her troubles. She began to see color once again. The four leaned back as they watched the public school across the street let out. The kids ran wild, the looked like animals but Maddie just saw them as "being there".

One of those wild kids was Zack. Zack was feeling awfully quite that day and he didn't seem to lead that crazy celebration. Instead he just strolled out of the school. Through the school yard fence Zack could see the few kids across the street smoking. He didn't make much of it. He saw those same three kids almost everyday somewhere around the neighborhood but today there was another blonde girl standing with them. He came closer to the fence, she looked a lot like Maddie but it couldn't be because Maddie was at work, at the Tipton, right?

The four finished their cigarettes and threw them on the ground. They talked for a few more minutes. Todd tossed a baseball from one hand to another. Once he saw that there was nothing left to talk about, he chucked the ball into the window that she was staring out less than an hour ago.

There was a large _CRASH_ and the glass shattered in hundreds of fragments. The three kids were used to things like this and knew exactly what to do next… run. They ran away at the speed of light but Maddie simply stood there. Maddie approached the large window, or what remained of it. Her world once again became gray.

She picked up one of the few pieces of broken glass that were on the outside and put it in her bag. She wasn't really sure why but something inside her told her to take it. Perhaps as a symbol, to remember exactly when things began to change… when she began to change… when she stopped being Maddie.

**A/N: I know this chapter is a little weak but I needed to write it exactly the way I did in order for the story to keep going the right way. And just for the record, I don't approve of any of the wrong-doings in the chapter or within the whole story. Please review because at this point I'm a bit doubtful about continuing. :-) **


	4. Anger and Remorse

**A/N: I confess I'm a fanfic (and review) addict. I can't stay away from these stories, so you might as well take advantage of this and continue reading. **

**WARNING: foul language in this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Suite Life or its characters but I am the proud owner of the non-existent Chewy-Gooey Bars. Try one at a candy counter near you!**

Anger and Remorse

Maddie's head hurt but she had no choice other than to return to her job at The Tipton. The second she entered the hotel, Moseby faced up to her.

"Maddie, where have you been?" Moseby fiercely asked her, "You're over an hour late for your shift."

"I get held up at school okay?" she retorted without realizing she was speaking to her employer. She toned her voice down, "Listen Mr. Moseby, I'm sorry I'm late. I'll work till closing, I promise."

"Maddie that's not the only thing I have to talk to you about."

Maddie stopped in her tracks.

"I'm afraid you'll have to check out tonight."

"Mr. Moseby, please! I told you, you can take the rest of my money out of my pay. I really need a place to stay for a few days longer."

"Maddie, you are employed by a hotel. You know how many rules I broke by letting you stay here for the past three days. I'm really sorry but you cannot stay in your room any longer. After your shift tonight you must check out."

"You know, you really disappointed me Mr. Moseby," she said to him.

"I know. And you really disappointed me, Maddie," he said to her in the same tone with an 'I-know-the-truth' look on his face. He knew it shouldn't matter to him if Maddie lied about school or not, but it did. For the past two and half years that she's been working at the Tipton, he got to know her and got to like her and well he kind of felt like she was his daughter, her and London both. And for the first time he felt let down by her.

The look of disappointment in his eyes weakened her. "I'll be right down, I'm just going to go change," she said with a hint of shame in her tone.

Once she came down to begin her shift, Maddie bumped into Zack.

"Hey Maddie, where were you today?" he asked.

"I just got held up at school! What's with everyone questioning me?"

"Okay I'm sorry, but just out of curiosity… What held you up?"

"I got detention, okay! Are you happy now! Now can you please leave me alone!"

Zack just walked away but moments later London came up to the candy counter to talk to Maddie.

"Maddie is something wrong?" London asked her.

"London, Fuck off! I'd really appreciated it if everyone would just fuck off and leave me alone!"

"Okay, I'll leave but just know that if you ever need to talk or anything…"

"…_I can come to you_. That's what you we're going say right? Well no thanks. I wouldn't want to take you away from all of your precious friends."

London didn't have much more to say to her. She tried, right? Maddie worked at the counter for the night. No one she knew dared to approach her. Once her shift ended, Maddie emptied her stuff from the hotel room and returned to the front desk. Moseby wasn't there. Maddie didn't want to wait for him; she just left the cardkey on the table and walked away. But instead of heading towards the door she walked into the elevator. Minutes later she found herself on the 23rd floor in front of Zack and Cody's suite. She knocked on the door. Carey went to open it.

"Carey I'm so sorry for disturbing at such a late hour, it must be past ten already, but I was wondering if maybe I could stay here for a few days? You know I wouldn't ask unless it was really, really important."

"It's alright sweetie, you can stay as long as you need. Come right on in,"

"Thank you so much Carey!"

"The boys are asleep but there is still some pasta left over from dinner, you're welcome to have some."

Maddie put down her things, sat down at the table and began to eat the pasta. Although it was one of the only meals she had had in the past few days, Maddie only picked at the food. She didn't have much of an appetite. Carey accompanied her at the table. After several minutes she broke the silence

"So, you have a spat with your parents again?" she asked.

"Something like that. Things just haven't been going too well lately," Maddie responded as she put down the rest of the food.

"If you're ready to turn in you can have the pull-out couch to yourself. I'll just set up the inflate-a-bed over there."

"I can't thank you enough," she said minutes before falling asleep.

The next morning Cody awoke before anyone else in the suite. He walked in the living room and couldn't quite believe what he saw. He ran back to his room.

"Zack! Zack! Wake up!" he exclaimed "Maddie is asleep on the couch in our living room."

Zack slept off what had happened between him and Maddie the previous day and wasn't upset anymore only a bit bothered.

"Cody, I'm not falling for that one again," he said as he effortlessly threw his pillow at Cody.

"No Zack, I'm serious. Come see for yourself,"

"Fine, fine, fine but if this is a trick you can expect your towel to mysteriously disappear while you're taking a shower today, and that's a promise," Zack said and got up with a yawn.

He and Cody made their way into the living room. Zack's eyes widened as he saw Maddie. He threw his hands up in the air and called out, "It's a gift from an angel!"

Maddie let out a small grunt in her sleep and she tossed over and over for several seconds before she woke up.

"Oh my gosh, you two scared me half to death," her eyes narrowed, "how long have you been standing there?"

"Not long enough," Zack responded as he began to walk towards the kitchen for some food.

Maddie felt the warmth of the air from the second she woke up. The room was so bright and colorful.

"What are you doing here?" asked Cody.

"Maddie's going to be staying with us for the next few days," answered Carey who awoke with Zack's cry to the heavens.

That morning Maddie almost felt normal…

**A/N: Well this is a bit of a lighter chapter minus the cursing. I'm moving from NY to NJ today and I have so much last minute packing, but writing is much more fun. Unfortunately I now am experiencing a light case of writer's block so I'll end things right here. As I said before, I love reviews… so please don't hesitate to type a few kind (or not so kind, although I like kind better) words. :-)**


	5. The Writing Is On the Wall

**Disclaimer: I don't own Suite Life or its characters but I am the proud owner of the non-existent Chewy-Gooey Bars. Try one at a candy counter near you! **

The Writing Is On the Wall

She thought today would be different. She thought that she'd once again be able to see the goodness in the world. But everything changed when Maddie Fitzpatrick arrived at school that very day. Things were no longer as bright and sunny as they were at the Martin's suite. Things were colder, they were grayer. It was lunch time at Maddie's school. She hated going there, but she knew she had no other choice. Maddie saw London sitting a few tables away, surrounded by people. London hasn't even been going to her school for a year and already everyone wanted to be her friend. It was never that easy for Maddie. For Maddie things had always been hard and they just kept getting harder and harder.

Maddie poked at her food with her fork. She was not hungry, she was never hungry anymore. She just stared over at London and the many people bordering her. They were all laughing. _They're laughing at me, London probably told them what I said to her yesterday and they're laughing at what a waste of a life I am_, Maddie thought to herself. Maddie pushed her tray away from her and ran to the girl's bathroom.

She locked herself in one of the stalls. She was shaking all over. Maddie had an outburst of tears; these types of outbursts became more frequent than ever. She began to hear the voices of her parents fighting. She remembered them fighting over her, how she was never home to take care of things, how blamed each and everything on her. The memories were so clear in her head. She closed her eyes and shut them tight. Her tears were trapped and they burned her eyes. Maddie didn't care.

Maddie stayed quite for the rest of the school day. Sister Genevieve began to teach a new topic but Maddie wasn't listening. She didn't understand the words that came out of the Sister's mouth, they didn't seem to make any sense and the words on the board became random marks, illegible symbols.

"…Maddie? We are waiting for an answer," Sister Genevieve interrupted Maddie and returned her to the real world in which she was forced to live.

"Um… uh… that would be 3x," Maddie replied completely clueless. Everybody laughed. Maddie felt her heart sink into her stomach.

"No that is incorrect. The word for hat in French is chapeau."

She looked at the people around her. How were they able lead such a normal life? It was because they weren't human, they were silhouettes. Just like everything else in Maddie's life… they were just there. They just existed, without a purpose, without a reason, without anything.

There was one sound Maddie recognized without a doubt and that was the last bell. And once it rang Maddie bolted out of the classroom before anyone else even had a chance to get up. She would do anything to avoid another talk with Sister Genevieve.

Once she was out of the building, Maddie slowed down. "Hey Blondie!" she heard someone call out. She looked over. It was Mindy, Todd and Chad. Mindy ran over to her. She was dressed in the same type of fashion she was in yesterday. "Let's ditch this place and have some fun!"

Those very words lifted Maddie's heart out of her stomach and painted her world in color. Without giving a second thought to her job at the Tipton which started in a mere thirty minutes, she darted off with the crew.

She spent the rest of her afternoon with Mindy, Todd and Chad. She felt so free. Her worries fled her almost immediately and she was able to enjoy herself even if what she felt was false happiness. False happiness satisfied her for the time being, it was the most she had felt in days. It began to get dark. The streets of Boston were somewhat illuminated with the few street lights that stood in view.

The gang took her to an ally in the side of a building. It was black and silent; the two things that Maddie feared the most lately. But she trusted her new friends and she began to feel a certain comfort. The architecture of the building seemed quite familiar and for a building that lay next to an alley it had a certain elegance. But Maddie was too worn out to place her finger on this recognizable building.

Todd put down the backpack he had been carrying for the whole afternoon. Its contents were still unknown to Maddie but she had a feeling that it wasn't filled with school books. He slowly opened the zipper and unloaded four spray cans. He tossed a can to each of them and kept one for himself. Maddie read the label. It was spray paint, the kind that was very hard to remove. Mindy and the boys shook their cans and began to spray… letters, symbols and gang signs. The spotless wall of the building became tainted with the effects of the spray. Maddie just stared at her can.

"Come on, Maddie. Try it. Its fun and it feels good," Mindy persuaded her in her sweet and friendly voice.

Maddie removed the cap from the can and lightly pressed down the nozzle. The first drops of blue paint were attracted to the clean portion of the wall. Maddie pressed down harder until an abundance of paint amounted on the wall. As the paint flew up on the wall her troubles soared away. She sprayed and sprayed and sprayed. They weren't numbers, symbols, words of even pictures, she just sprayed, carelessly. The creamy smell of the paint entered nostrils and made her light headed. The feeling only made her long to spray even more.

0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0

Meanwhile at the Tipton, Moseby was very disturbed. His candy counter was left unattended all afternoon and now he had just received irritating news.

"More hooligans loitering outside the hotel! Again! This is the third time this month!" Moseby was infuriated. _The only way to handle anything around here is to take care of it myself_ he thought to himself as headed out to the hidden side door that was used to take out the trash.

As he opened the door he saw three kids… and Maddie! The three kids dropped their cans and took off. Maddie stood still. She finally recognized the familiar building. It was none other than the Tipton Hotel. Moseby stood astonished. His eyes trailed from Maddie to the graffiti and back to Maddie. She refused to move. He was enraged.

_Dun, Dun, Dun!_

**A/N: Well it took me a bit longer to update this chapter because I just moved and got the phone line installed. Urg, the torture of dial-up. Anywayz, I'd like to give a special thanks to:**

**Suitelifelover**

**Elphaba Lives forever**

**lauren loves tsl x3**

**Shoelace22**

**suitelife2202**

**Stealth Photographer**

…**For your wonderful reviews and for the confidence boost a writer needs. Personally at the moment I am debating the continuation of this story because it's not progressing exactly the way I expected to. I do happen to have enormous ideas for the next two chapters though. I still have to give it some thought. That's it for now. --ACM**


	6. Am I Even Alive?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Suite Life or its characters but I am the proud owner of the non-existent Chewy-Gooey Bars. Try one at a candy counter near you!**

**WARNING: mild language and self-destruction lie ahead! And as you look above you can once again realize this story is rated T for Teen.**

Am I Even Alive?

Moseby dragged Maddie inside, through the lobby and all the way over to the check-in counter. He took her into the room marked 'Private' behind the counter. No one has ever been behind that door, except Moseby of course. And sure enough it was his office. Maddie took a quick glance around the room, it was simple yet tasteful. Moseby lugged Maddie by the arm but despite his fury he held her arm gently like the fragile young woman she was. She sat down in a small chair in front of his desk, her eyes never lifted from the ground. Moseby was too angry to sit in his large, comfortable, dark green, office chair, instead he chose to stand. He paced around the room in frenzy. After several minutes he cracked and broke the silence.

"Madeline Fitzpatrick! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING OUT THERE!" Moseby roared. The tone reminded Maddie of the way her father yelled at her numerous times. It sent a shiver down her spine.

"I… uh… um… I…" Maddie couldn't put words together to explain her actions. Moseby interrupted her before her second attempt.

"WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH YOU NOW! I SHOULD FIRE YOU! I SHOULD CALL THE POLICE! MADDIE THIS IS VANDELISM!" He yelled so loud his eyeballs seemed to bulge out of his head.

Tears began stream down Maddie's cheeks. Soon those silent tears turned into noisy sobs. Moseby stared at her, he didn't know what to do but he was in no position to get soft. _What had happened to Maddie? The Maddie we all knew and loved. The Maddie who was kind, sweet, honest and trustworthy?_ _She had changed._ Moseby couldn't not help but feel her pain. It wasn't her who lied and vandalized, it was this monster inside her. A monster that took over her entire body and sucked all that was good and innocent out of her.

"I'm really, really sorry Mr. Moseby. I had no idea… I mean… I really shouldn't have been…" Moseby only stared at her. He looked as if he had cooled down a bit. "I guess I should give you back my uniform, right?" she said rummaging through her bag, refusing to make any further eye contact.

Moseby began to break down. "No, keep it. You are still employed… BUT you must understand that actions like these call for serious consequences!" he sternly assured her. Maddie only nodded.

"You will have to work extreme overtime to pay off the damage and I hope you don't have any plans for the rest of the night because someone will need to make an effort to scrub that waste off the side of the building," Moseby continued.

Moseby gave her a bunch of professional cleaning supplies and dismissed her. She couldn't feel any sorrier for herself. She stepped out into the warm air and began scrub. She had no other choice, she needed that job and things wouldn't be any better if she found herself in jail tomorrow.

She began to scrub even harder. Her hands began to prune and her fingers tensed up.

_I hate my screwed up life! No one's ever there for me when I need them. The only way to get anything in this world is to do it myself! _Maddie thought to herself. She began to cry all over again. _Why?_ She hit the wall with the side of her fist. _Why can't anything go right in my stupid life?_ She hit the wall even harder. _Why cant I get a break just once? Just once?_ This time she thumped her back against the wall and swiftly plopped down onto the ground. She leaned against the wall, face buried in her knees. She sat there motionless and let the sound of passing cars attempt to sooth her.

Suddenly the door to the outside opened. Maddie was startled but she didn't lift her head. It was Arwin taking some unwanted trash out to the dumpster. He spotted a figure curled up into a ball in the darkness of the ally. He squinted for more detail.

"Maddie?" he asked with uncertainty. She was surprised that he even knew her name. They didn't talk much and besides why would anyone remember the little unimportant candy counter girl?

"Hi," was all she said in response.

"Um… yeah… hi. What are you doing?"

"Scrubbing some lousy graffiti of the side of the building," Arwin could hear the gloominess in her tone of voice.

"Oh I see," Although Arwin was considered to be pretty 'lame', he never lacked sincerity, "you know, you look pretty tired and someone of your age shouldn't be out cleaning at this late hour," he continued but he noticed that Maddie did not want anyone's sympathy at the moment, "and um… clearly I'd be able to do a much better job. I bet I could get all that off. So why don't you head home and I'll finish off."

"Uh… thanks Arwin," she said as she went back inside.

Maddie scurried through the lobby and into the elevator before Moseby could spot her and pull her away for yet another chit-chat. She made her way to suite 2330 and let herself in with the keycard Carey had given her. The room was pitch black and everyone was asleep. Carey had already prepared the pull-out for her. Maddie tip-toed into the suite and changed into sweats and a t-shirt.

She lay awake staring at the ceiling. Her head drilled with pain from the yelling she endured and her face tightened from the salt-water tears she had unleashed. There was no way she was able to sleep. She began to think about the people in the room with her, how lucky they are and how easy they've got it. She thought about the twins and how they were one of the luckiest people she knew. They had a mom that would give anything for them, they always had each other so they would never feel alone or neglected and most importantly they were still kids. They got to sit back and enjoy the game of childhood while Maddie struggled with things as simple as being herself.

Maddie's head swirled with thoughts. The day she had was completely overwhelming and to her refusal she fell fast asleep.

The next morning her headache was just about diminished but she could still feel remains it left behind. The twins and their mother had left early that morning while she slept in. She checked her watch. It was 11:30 and at first that alarmed her just a bit, but almost immediately she remembered that this week was a short week at her school and she didn't have to attend that Friday. The idea comforted her, since she was in no mood to go to school anyway but right away she thought about her job at the candy counter. She should really be down there working the "extreme overtime" but she could not bring herself to do so.

She hated it! She hated the fact that she had to worry about everything and everybody, when not even one person worried about her! It hurt her. It destroyed her inside. She felt her heart burning and rocks weighed down her stomach. She began to feel hot and irritated all over, yet she was still shaking as if she was cold.

Maddie grabbed her bag, ran into the bathroom and firmly closed the door. Her bare feet pressed against the cold bathroom tile but she herself did not cool down. She walked back and forth trying to calm herself. She had failed. She sat on the floor with her knees up almost as if to protect herself.

Maddie ran her fingers down her right arm. She couldn't feel her touch. She never felt anything anymore. She ran her fingers down her arm once again but this time she stopped midway and she dug her nails into her arm. When she released she saw the mark she had left but she could not feel a thing. She was numb.

Tears ran down her cheeks continuously. _Am I even alive?_ She asked herself. She began to think about all that had happened that week. She remembered the piece of glass she had put in her purse the other day. She pulled it out.

Maddie stared at the glass moments at a time. She ran her index finger around its rigid edges. It was so perfect. It was clear and shiny. It was streak-free. Although the glass was once a piece of a whole, it was so flawless on its own and that impressed Maddie. It was the first thing Maddie saw that was truly perfect.

She lightly pricked her finger on the pointy edge of the glass. Then she took it in her grasp as she slowly rolled up the sweatpants on her left leg.

She _slashed_ herself on her left thigh. Her flesh split open and blood slowly began to spill out. She took some of the blood and touched it. She felt its thick texture between her thumb, index and middle fingers. The skin on her fingers was now stained red. She was now in another dimension. It was her very own sanctuary yet it was also a realm of destruction, one where she was the destroyer.

_I want this moment to go on_

_I won't ever be like them_

_Memories from school,_

_A mess here in this room_

_I want longings_

_That won't put me to sleep_

_That I won't be able to fight._

_They say "she lives in the sky or the sea_

_Not like everyone else, diving and rising."_

_There, no one will come near _

_And even if you say you love_

_Or that your heart is broken_

_And you picked me out of everyone,_

_Out of all the girls in the world_

_I won't take you there_

_Because you taught me silence_

_And I'm still waiting._

The door of the suite opened and closed shut but Maddie, who was still in the bathroom, was too preoccupied to notice.

0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0oOo0

Zack walked into the suite. _Zack's homemade sick kit… works every time. Some fake barf, a warm compress… it's all way too simple. And the nurse falls for it like that!_ He thought to himself as he snapped. _You know I could make a pretty buck off of these._

He put down his book bag down next to the couch and headed towards the bathroom. Maddie, in all her rush, forgot to lock the door. Zack turned the knob and pushed it open. His jaw dropped and he froze in place.

**A/N: Wow I have a lot to say about this chapter. First off it took a lot of work (so please review) and it was one of the chapters I was most anxious to write, it's like the "mini-climax" so to speak. Second off the mini-poem towards the end does not belong to me it is a translation to part of a Hebrew song by Miri Messika. I'm not usually fond of song fics but I love this song and I felt that it kinda fit. And well lastly thanks again to all my lovely reviewers and um… if you like this story then expect about four more chapters.**


	7. Secrets Promises & Something worth

**Disclaimer: I don't own Suite Life or its characters but I am the proud owner of the non-existent Chewy-Gooey Bars. Try one at a candy counter near you!**

Secrets, Promises and Something worth Fighting For

Zack stood there in awe. His heart raced and he could not believe what he saw. He stared at Maddie. She wept hysterically and blood surrounded her. It wasn't a lot and she wasn't in danger but it was too much blood for a young girl to shed.

Zack rushed toward her. He didn't know how to handle this type of situation. Maddie clutched onto the piece of glass which was now stained in blood. Zack tried to grab it out of her hand but wasn't able to, for Maddie held onto it so tight.

"Maddie let go!" he cried.

She refused to release but her grip did loosen. Zack managed to snatch the glass out of her hand and dispose of it but in the process he cut the palm of his hand. He hissed in pain. He shook his hand out in attempt to shake out the discomfort. Zack could not concentrate on his pain at the moment. He had to be strong… strong for Maddie.

Zack took several pieces of paper towel and ran them under the faucet's cold water. With the first piece he cleaned away the blood that surrounded her wound, and the little blood that had dripped onto the floor. He pressed the second piece onto her wound. It stung.

"Maddie, I'm going to take care of this. You'll be good as new in no time. I'm gonna make it all better," he said making an effort to comfort her. She heard him and his words but she didn't dare respond. She couldn't, she couldn't even move. Her crying had calmed down slightly but she couldn't help but breathe heavily as she continued to shed tears.

When Maddie's injury was clean, Zack reached for a bandage and began to wrap her upper leg. The side of his palm brushed up against her silky-smooth skin several times. How could anyone, herself nonetheless, want to damage something that magnificent? He tried to be as precise as possible but the final product was a bit sloppy. It had to do for now.

Zack rolled down the light-charcoal colored sweatpants on her left leg. It was creased and stained red but that wasn't an issue at the moment. Zack helped Maddie up and walked her over to the couch. Zack wished more than anything that he could carry her. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel an ounce of pain or struggle.

Zack sat on the couch and allowed Maddie to cuddle up next to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and within minutes his t-shirt was damp with tears but he didn't mind. She was still trying to stabilize her breathing. He put his arm around her and began to caress her sleek, glossy, golden hair.

"Everything is going to be alright, I'm here and you can tell me anything," he whispered to her.

Maddie sat in silence. Her puffy eyes began to reduce in redness and she almost felt calm but by no means was she okay, not even a little.

"I don't need anyone! I don't need anyone's help! I can handle things all by myself! Alone!" she whimpered after a few silent minutes.

"I know you can…" Zack responded in a whisper, "…but you don't have to."

A few moments later Carey opened the front door and walked into the suite. Maddie sat up quickly and was able to piece herself together to look somewhat normal. It was pretty easy for Maddie, she had been doing it all her life… pretending to be normal. Everyday she was forced to put on a mask, a mask that proposed that everything was okay and that her life couldn't be more perfect.

"Zack, how are you up here already?" Carey asked him.

Maddie wished with all her heart that Carey could see through her mask. She really instilled trust in Carey and deep down inside Maddie knew she needed help. She knew she had to talk to someone and let this horrible feeling flood out of her. But Carey, like all parents, was oblivious. Maddie had come to notice that about parents, no matter how much they loved you or no matter how much the said they cared, they were still so oblivious to their children's reality. They could notice that you didn't eat all your vegetables or that you didn't brush your teeth, but when you were truly in pain, no parent could see it. Maybe that was because they didn't want to.

"I was feeling sick and the nurse sent me home early," he responded.

"I see," she said with uncertainty, "and what in the world happened to your hand?" she asked starring at his hand which he managed to shabbily wrap up in bandages as well.

"I fell in the school yard and my hand landed on a piece of glass… right before I threw up," he continued to lie with a straight face.

"Oh sweetheart," she said sympathetically, "maybe we need to take you to the hospital to get it checked out. We need to prevent it from infection,"

"No, please mom. It's fine. I cleaned it up real well and I took care of it. It just needs to heal." Zack began to panic.

"Okay honey, but are you going to come join us to the baseball game? Cody is waiting downstairs in the lobby."

"No. I don't think so mom. I'm not feeling too well. I think I'll just hang around here."

"Fine by me. Maddie can you watch him so he doesn't get into any more mischief today?" Carey asked her politely.

"Sure, no problem," Maddie responded trying to say as little as possible to prevent from bursting into tears. But both Maddie and Zack knew that it would be the complete opposite. It would be he who watched over her.

"Bye guys!" Carey called as she walked out of the suite.

The second the door closed Maddie collapsed once again and laid her head on Zack's shoulder for a second time. The room was quite.

Zack continued to comfort her. He stroked her shoulder and upper arm. Maddie could faintly feel his touch but that thrilled her. It was like a sign. If she could feel his touch maybe, just maybe he could understand her and the pain she was in.

Zack took his fingers, placed them under her chin and delicately raised her face up to his level.

"Maddie we need to talk," he began calmly.

With that Maddie turned her head away from Zack. She was frustrated but she was scared even more.

"Maddie please! I can help. We can fix everything. It'll all be okay," Zack almost pleaded.

"HOW ZACK! HOW DO YOU KNOW EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY? HUH?" she couldn't help the tears that rolled down her cheeks over and over, "how can you fix my screwed up life? You can't! I've been trying to do that forever!"

"Maddie, just please tell me what going on, what's wrong?"

"My life… is what's wrong. My um… uh… everything is just so screwed up," She didn't know how to let it all out.

"…please… continue. I'm here to listen Maddie."

"My parents… they um… they fight… a lot. In fact they're headed for a divorce as we speak,"

"Maddie it's not that bad and its nothing worth hurting yourself over, my parents are divorced and things couldn't be better now," Zack tried to make her feel better but he didn't know the half of it.

"No it's not just that! They take everything out on me! _Why aren't I home? Why can't I take care of things?_ I'm really trying Zack. You have to believe me. I'm trying to keep everyone happy and everything under control, I really am. But everything is becoming so hard and now even the simplest things are slipping through my fingers. My dad doesn't give a damn about anything, especially me. And even though I know my mom cares, she really does try… she's just so broken up. She keeps reminding me how things are tough for her right now and I'm trying to pick up the pieces, but…"

She began to sob harder than ever.

"But what about me Zack? Who's here to take care of me while I take care of everything else! No one will ever care for me but me! No one cares enough to see how my life is this messed up. No one wants to look close enough. I feel like I'm in this alternate universe where I'm nothing but a shadow," she was shaking uncontrollably. "I start to ask myself if I'm even alive. And throughout all this I continue to wonder… _when will I be something that's worth fighting for?_"

This threw Zack into shock. He didn't quite know how to handle himself. He took a deep breath and sucked everything in. And even if it was just once in his life, he was going to be a man… the man Maddie needed.

"Maddie you need to listen to me," he peacefully began, "Life is tough and it's not something that's always easy to deal with…"

"Zack I really don't need a lecture right now."

"…but you always have someone. And I can promise you that you'll always have me. Maddie, I think you're perfect, I've always thought you were,"

"Yeah right… 'So perfect'" she interrupted him. He gently brought his index finger up to her lips to silence her.

"You're so smart, you know how handle everything so gracefully. You always know what to say and when and how to say it. And you're just so pretty… _beautiful_."

Zack looked at Maddie. Her hair shimmered, her lips were so plump, and the result of her tears accented her eyes and made them sort of glow.

His fingers caressed the side of her face. He carefully brought her face up to his. He couldn't help but press his lips against hers. Maddie didn't resist. What started out as small peck unfolded into a series of tender kisses. Zack's experience was beyond his years. She faced him and his hands were now on her back supporting her. The space between their bodies grew in warmth.

Zack wasn't sure about the timing. He has been waiting for this very moment for years but Maddie's current condition made it hard for Zack to enjoy it as much. After a few minutes Zack pulled away.

"Maddie, what are we going to do about your 'injury'?" he asked her, destroying any mood they may have had.

"Oh Zack! You can't tell anyone! You can't tell a soul, do you hear me? I'm begging you," she pleaded.

"Fine. Okay, I wont but please don't do it ever again. It's so completely beneath you and you don't deserve any more hurt,"

Maddie only nodded.

Zack continued to fondle Maddie and soon they both fell asleep cuddling each other. In her last moments conscious she realized that she would never feel as safe as she did now… in Zack's arms.

**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed it took me quite a while to write and even longer to post because my internet account got cut. And for all of you who asked, I hope it is now clear that this is a Zack/Maddie (I love the pairing!) but the story is more about Maddie and her "complications" than it is about her relationship with Zack. Review please and expect about 3 more chaps!**


	8. Leaving Reality

**Disclaimer: I don't own Suite Life or its characters but I am the proud owner of the non-existent Chewy-Gooey Bars. Try one at a candy counter near you!**

**WARNING: Once again let me remind you content in this story may only be suitable for teens due to language and whatnot…**

Leaving Reality

Carey and Cody returned home late that night only to discover a most precious sight. They found none other than Zack and Maddie curled up together on the couch, asleep. They chose not to disturb them, so Carey only took a blanket and wrapped it around them for extra warmth and as a result when Maddie awoke the next morning she found herself still embraced in Zack's arms.

She checked her watch. It was 6 A.M. on a Saturday morning. Everyone was still fast asleep. Maddie weaseled out of Zack's arms. She quickly straightened herself up and gathered her things. Right before she headed for the door she pulled out a black marker and walked over to Zack. She gently picked up the hand he had injured the previous day and on the bandage covering his palm she wrote: _Thanks_ and drew a little heart next to it.

With that, Maddie walked out of the suite and carefully shut the door. She snuck through the lobby, and out the front entrance. After a long week she finally felt ready to head home.

Soon Maddie found herself in front of the door to her apartment. She slowly opened it, she walked in and turned around to quietly shut door so she wouldn't wake anyone up. Suddenly she felt a presence behind her. She was hesitant to turn around. After taking a deep breath she gradually spun around…

She jumped. There he was, just like he came out of one of her nightmares… standing four feet five inches tall but still managing to frighten her, was Liam.

"Where have you been, fatty?" he squealed, "sleeping in the dumpster all week?" he gave her a dirty look.

"Shut up, you little metal-mouth. Go start a fire somewhere!" she yelled at him.

Just then Maddie heard a door open. Maddie's parents walked out in bathrobes, barely awake. They walked over to her as Liam ran over and hid behind his dad for protection.

"Oh sweetheart, you're back! We were so worried. We had no clue where you went and we hoped more than anything that you would come back home to us!" her mother said gratefully.

Maddie saw the smile on her mother's face. For a moment there she felt glad to be home… that is until her dad chimed in.

"Where the hell have you been!" he screamed as Liam flashed her a mischievous smirk, "No one was home to watch over Liam after school, because you're to busy frolicking who knows where with a bunch of hoodlums!"

Maddie's father could not control his rage. He raised his hand and _slapped_ his daughter across the face. Maddie's cheek throbbed in pain as she tried her best to hold her tears back. She ran into her room and her mother followed.

Maddie began to throw some things in her bag.

"Maddie sweetheart, come here. It'll be okay. Don't go! Your father… he's just worried about yo—" Maddie shoved her mother aside as she walked out the room.

"Good! Leave! You good-for-nothing whore!" her father yelled at her.

"I hope you rot and burn in hell!" she screamed as she slammed the front door behind her. This time she didn't wait even a moment. She ran out of the door and straight to The Tipton at full speed.

She knew there was no way she'd be able to come in through the front entrance. It was half past seven and surely Moseby was already up and buzzing in the lobby. An alternative popped right into her head. If she cut through Liberty Park she could make it through the employees' entrance, into Arwin's office and surely he could find a way for her get in.

That's exactly what she did and in less than twenty minutes Maddie found herself panting in front of Arwin's office waiting for him to answer the door.

"Hi Arwin, listen I need a huge favor. I need a way to get upstairs avoiding Moseby at all costs," she said still trying to catch her breath. Arwin was still in pajamas which looked like they belonged to a seven-year-old, but she didn't have the time or the will to comment it.

"Well the only way you can get upstairs from here without passing through the lobby is the dumb-a-waiter **(A/N: ahhh sorry I have no clue about that spelling)**, but I'm afraid it's still broken. It's so hard to get good help these days," he joked. Maddie wasn't laughing. "But what I can do is distract Moseby for you while you make your way upstairs," he offered skeptically.

Maddie wasn't too sure of the idea herself but she agreed, seeing as she had no other choice. Arwin did as promised and managed to cause blackout in the lobby which could only be fixed when Moseby reached the circuit box in the basement. Maddie didn't concern herself with the details; all she cared about was escaping from her unbearable world.

Once on the 23rd floor Maddie let herself in to the contented suite she thought she had left for good that morning and to her fortune everyone had already left. She didn't exactly consider it lucky, since the reason that had left was a deliberate one. Moseby finally allowed a free Saturday morning buffet to be opened and it was apparent that Zack and Cody would drag their mom down for free food. They would be back soon though, but until then Maddie was alone. It was her and the silence.

Silence was something very funny to Maddie. It was a sensation that killed her inside. Maybe she wasn't used to it or maybe it made her feel too safe for her own good. She couldn't explain the effect it had on her but it made her act irrationally. It made her hot and irritated all over and she couldn't stand still. Her head pounding and her face burning, Maddie went over to the bathroom.

She was trembling yet again. She couldn't take it! Why did life have to hurt so much? She sat on the cold tile floor of the bathroom with her knees up pulled into her chest. That was her only form of defense or protection. She needed to release her inner hurt before it burned her inside out. She needed to hurt on the outside just to forget about her inner pain. She glanced around her for a solution.

Maddie searched through her purse desperately. She found her touch-up mirror. She looked at her reflection. She looked pale and weak but that didn't make her react. Instead she _smashed_ it against the floor and watched the glass shatter. Once the sound faded into silence she picked up a fairly large piece of glass and clutched it so tight the edges began to dig into her palm.

She saw her scar from the previous day begin to heal and since she had removed the bandages this morning she had nothing more to keep herself "cured". She ignored the mark it left and slashed a new one next to it. Blood spilled out almost immediately. It was weird but she kind of felt better. She couldn't really understand it herself, but she continued to slice herself over and over again and watched the blood pour out.

After numerous cuts to both her left and right thighs she began to feel lightheaded. She thought that maybe she had found salvation but she was really just draining herself of everything she knew and loved the good and bad, the fun and not so fun, but it was her life. And as she felt conciseness slip out of her hands she really wished she had it back, troubles and all. As she lay herself down onto the floor almost lifeless she heard Zack's voice, _"I can promise you that you'll always have me"_. But now it might be a little too late.

Maddie was out cold for no more than 15 minutes before the bathroom door to the Martin's suite was opened once again…

**A/N: Sorry about the shortness of this chapter but 1) I think you needed something a little shorter since the last chapter was just about my longest; 2) I put all my brain juice into the last 2 chaps which were my faves in the whole story and now I had writers block; 3) I wrote this on the plane to my boarding school in Israel which I am at now! So all I have left to say is once the reviews come so will the last 2 chapters.**


	9. Diagnosis

**Disclaimer: I don't own Suite Life or its characters but I am the proud owner of the non-existent Chewy-Gooey Bars. Try one at a candy counter near you!**

Diagnosis

Later that morning, the Martin Family returned to their suite. Everyone was full from the endless breakfast they had consumed but little did they know that what they were about to set eyes on would turn their stomachs upside down. Cody walked over to the bathroom in order to "sanitize himself" as he would say often while his brother just rolled his eyes.

Once he pushed the door open his body unintentionally froze in the doorway. He had just witnessed a terrible sight. It was Maddie; she was unconscious, her thighs full of long slits, and her body was drenched in her own blood.

Carey, who could not see into the bathroom from the angle she was at, began to ask, "Cody sweetie, didn't you say you were going to wash your hands?"

"I…uh…I," was all he could respond.

The first thing that would normally cross Zack's mind at that moment was to blurt out 'what a loser!' but he knew Cody's situation too perfectly, for he had experienced the exact same shock, in the exact same place only yesterday.

Zack ran over and pushed his brother out of the way. Salt water tears began to clean his little brown eyes and he couldn't move either. Carey, who watched in suspicion walked over to the bathroom door and saw the same sight over two blonde heads. She immediately took action. She rushed over to the phone and began to dial 911 for an ambulance.

Between operators she tossed a cell phone to Zack. "Call Maddie's parents, they need to know what's going on" his mother instructed. Zack stood still as he remembered the conversation he had with Maddie yesterday, how she begged him not to tell a soul. Of course she hadn't kept her part of the promise, she did it again, she _hurt herself_ again, but still he could not do this to her. He couldn't call her parents against her will, especially after what she told him about her life.

Carey saw Zack too out of it to even make a phone call so she silently motioned Cody to take over. Cody, who had always been somewhat of a Mama's boy, followed instructions at once. Zack wished he didn't.

Within minutes the paramedics charged through the lobby.

"What is going on?" Moseby asked clueless. The paramedics explained they got a call for an emergency on the 23rd floor and Moseby led them to the elevator without further question.

Once Carey had released Maddie into the paramedics' custody, she and the boys made the silent trip to the hospital.

When they arrived there they were informed that the doctors were doing everything in their power to bring Maddie back to her normal state. The three seated themselves in the bare waiting room. Not one person spoke.

Zack couldn't handle this much stress. He jumped off the extremely uncomfortable sofa. "WHY? Why did this have to happen to her? I told her to stop! She promised!" Zack couldn't help but scream out as tears began to fill his eyes for a second time. The nurse behind the desk motioned him to shush.

Carey had to run over Zack's last words to comprehend, "She's done this before?" she asked in complete shock.

Zack said nothing and tears ran down his cheeks faster than ever before.

Carey took him towards her and asked concerned, "When Zack? When has she done this before?"

"Yesterday" he whimpered between sniffles, "but only once, and she was going to stop! She promised me!" he paused for a moment, "But she didn't! She didn't stop! Now look where it's gotten her!"

Cody who was listening from a distance spoke out loud, "you mean she could be… _gone_?"

"No," Zack replied with a calm yet angry tone of voice, "When someone moves to another school, they're gone. Maddie… she… she may be… dead," His tone turned panicked within seconds for he struggled to unleash that last word out of his throat. He felt himself get weaker to the point where he couldn't even hold himself up. He felt gravity push down on him and he had to resist in order for him feel somewhat alive.

The pressure amounted onto his shoulders and _pushed_ him back onto the couch. Tears continued to fill his eyes. Carey sat down next to Zack and drew him closer to her as she began to comfort him. _What was wrong with him? He didn't need comforting! He didn't have a problem! He wasn't Maddie!_ He withdrew from her embrace.

London and Moseby had walked into the waiting room but Zack didn't see them. He didn't really want to see them. He was in no mood to see anyone, except for Maddie that is, but only if she was alive and well.

For a few minutes everyone sat down refusing to say even one word. What were they supposed to say anyway? That it wasn't her fault? That she'd be okay? The truth is that it was her fault, at least partially and **no one** in that room _knew _that she'd be okay.

The door opened one again and everyone lifted their heads. There they were, worn out, tired, expressionless… Maddie's parents. Only Carey stood. She walked over to Maddie's mom and put a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm very sorry. I'm sure everything will be okay," Carey said trying not to sound as doubtful as she really was.

"You're Sorry! What do you mean you're sorry!" Zack jumped up, "It's their fault! They're the only reason she was depressed in the first place!" Zack was about to charge towards them in rage but Carey held him back and his attempt failed. Carey sat him back on the couch and gave him a 'stay here' look, then she went over to show her sympathy for Maddie's parents and converse about things Zack couldn't quite hear.

Moseby, London and Cody we're chatting the hours away although sad expressions still painted their faces. Carey only became more comforting as the hours past. She didn't really want to think about what happened but only about the good to come. But Zack…Zack just sat there, in the same spot, as time past he only shifted positions. He didn't want to talk to anyone, he didn't want comfort. He convinced himself that he didn't need peoples comfort. It wasn't his fault that Maddie went and screwed up _her _life. He just tried to help, that's all, if she didn't take his advice that was her problem. There was no reason at all for him to lose sleep over it.

Deep inside Zack knew that he didn't buy a thing that he had tried to convince himself of that day. All he was able to conclude from his self-reflection in those past few isolated hours was that he really did have some sort of feelings for Maddie, not just a little boy's crush and even the thought of her disappearing from his life forever made him feel like he was stuck in a deep dark pit miles underground. He closed his eyes in an attempt at self-comfort.

After time it was obvious that everyone was growing tired and as the minutes slipped away so did their hope for Maddie's recovery. Just then a doctor walked into the waiting room.

"Are you all here regarding Madeline Fitzpatrick?" she asked. Everyone nodded affirmative. "Well then I guess you are all entitled to know…" she took a deep breath…

**A/N: this was one of the hardest chapters to write. I'm flooded with school work and never get anytime. And even when I do, writers block kicks in. In this chapter I've had sooooo much writers block it's had to even imagine. Well I hoped you all enjoyed and I wanted to thank all the dedicated readers and totally awesome reviews for sticking by me and my story!**


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